WHAT IS VIOLENCE AGAINST WOMEN?
Male violence against women is any act against the woman's will, which threatens her mentally, physically, sexually or economically. The abuser may be a family member (a husband, a son, a father, a brother, an uncle) or any known men (a friend, an acquaintance, a boss, a colleague) and an unidentified man. It is important to know that violence can happen to any woman and that violence is not the consequence of a woman’s behavior, but the system of patriarchy in which men have the power, while violence against women is a way for them to maintain that power. Violence against women is an example of the abuse of power of one sex over the other. Violence against women during the thousands of years of history is fueled by any social community to this day.
WHY ARE MEN'S VIOLENCE HAPPENS?
Usually, every society promotes the idea that the family is a private matter. However, with such a attitude domestic violence is hushed and those within the family have less power, usually those are women and children, loosing the ability to receive support to leave situation of violence. Men are taught to dominate in the family and sometimes or often do that violently. Children who grow up in a situation of violence in later age are not familiar with any other way of communication. After Article 164 of the Criminal Code of 2002, for the first time the State announces that the violence is no longer a private matter, but the social and the State issue. Therefore, the State will punish the perpetrators of domestic violence. Thus is in all the countries in Europe and in most countries in the world. For all laws that penalize domestic violence and sexual violence accounted are numerous activists and feminists of women's movement that for years advocated to formulate such laws and adopted them in their countries.
TO WHOM IT HAPPENS?
Statistics show that a victim of a male violence can be any woman, regardless of age, education, financial situation or nationality. The international women's movement has shown that male violence against women is a global phenomenon and it has the same dynamics in all cultures, only certain forms in certain communities are different (the burning of women, killing women for dowry, cutting off the clitoris, the stoning of women, etc. )
WHO ARE PERPETRATORS?
Statistics show that perpetrators can be men of any profession, level of education, financial situation and nationality. Frequently the perpetrators can not be identified because they are respected for their strength in male or professional society, often said: "In the village of honey and at home salt."
WHy WOMEN STAY WITH AN ABUSER?
- Because nobody supports her
- Because nobody believes her
- Because others blame her
- Because legal procedures are too long
- Because she is afraid of the perpetrator
- Because she does not have enough income
- Because she has nowhere to go
- Because she has children
- Because she is afraid that he will take the kids from her
- Because she is ashamed of what people might think
- Because she emotionally dependent on a partner
- Because she cares about the abuser
- Because she believes that things will be better
IN SUCH FORMS MAN ACHEIVES LONG TIME VIOLENCE AGAINST WOMAN?
A man who is violent uses various methods to isolate a woman from her family, friends, the outside world ... Isolation has many forms: turning off the phone, locking a woman, insulting his friends, confiscation of documents...
- MOMENTS “tenderness”
A man who abuses a woman has moments when he is a kind and gentle to the next act of violence. He buys her flowers, perfumes, takes her to a walk, buying children gifts, kiss her... With such positive behavior and by promises given, a women hope that things will change. Over time these moments become increasingly rare.
- FULL CONTROL
The goal of an abuser’s is control over a woman. An abuser usually set himself as the supreme controller who decides in all cases related to woman's life. He decides what she needs to do, what to say, what to think, when to make a call how much money she needs. Usually he has to approve all she does. He defines this control as his love and care for her.
Intimidation is one of the successful techniques of control. Abuser achieves control by constant intimidation : I'll burn your hair , I'll throw you off the roof, I'll cut you to pieces, I will find you wherever you go ... Frequently these threats relate to children or someone close to you : parents or siblings.
WHAT YOU CAN DO?
- TALK TO SOMEONE – LEAVE THE SILENCE
Tell a friend or a person you trust what happened. Talk to her as much as you can and as many times as you need to tell her that. Retelling the painful feelings that we would rather forget helps us to connect isolated events in a holistic experience. Experiences of violence are not forgotten, but their painful dimension can be reduced. It is important to leave silence. Silence will not save us, a abuser profits on our silence because it gives him the freedom to continue with violence.
- TRUST YOURSELF, APPRICIATE YOURSELF – PLACE YOURSELF IN THE CENTER OF THE WORLD
It is important to decide to trust yourself and to rate the tremendous work that you have invested in the children and a family. By now you've invested in others, it is time to start investing in yourself. You are the precious person to yourself. After many years of violence usually our self-esteem is low, we are exhausted and do not have much confidence in ourselves. It is possible to build all that again We have lots and lots of examples of women who have come out of violence. Trust yourself.
- LOVE YOURSLEF – BE GENTILE TO YOURSELF
If you suffer long-term violence and blieve that he will change, believe me it won’t. Your knowledge of violence you suffer makes you more competent than anyone else's advice. You are right. Evaluate your experience. If you realize that you should have left violence earlier, remember that at that time you did the best you could. The important thing you do not punish yourself for it. Be gentle with yourself. Love yourself.
- GIVE YOURSLEF A SPACE AND TIME – FIND THE NETWORK OF SUPPORT
The abuser usually systematically work on the isolation of a woman. Therefore, it is important that you start slowly to reestablish relationships with old and new female friends or male friends. Give yourself a space; decide to do something for yourself what you like the most and what does not depend on others. Take yourself for yourself.
- MAKE THE DECISION
Escaping from the situation of violence is a long process with a joyful end. It begins with a decision and persistence. Every little step that you did for yourself is important for your self-confidence.
- DOCUMENT YOUR INJURIES – COLLECT EVIDENCES
Go to the doctor and get a certificate of your injuries. Photograph injuries. If at the moment does not have any importance, you will have evidences in the case that you report violence later.
- REPORT IT TO THE POLICE
Report violence to the Police. You or your neighbor, a friend, a relative or hotline. There are new articles of the Criminal Code of the Republic of Serbia to punish domestic violence and marital rape. The Police is obliged to act ex officio - when you report the violence, they should file a criminal complaint. This report , the Police submits to the competent prosecutor , a prosecutor then decides whether or not to continue the process. It is important that you have evidence of violence: medical certificates of physical injuries, witnesses of the event, photos. Reporting violence can be a difficult decision because women fear of more violence later.
This is a big step because it shows a man clearly that there is someone more powerful than him and that violence is a crime.
NO EXCUSE FOR VIOLENCE
VIOLENCE AGAINST WOMEN IS A CRIME!